Bullying is seen by some as a normal part of growing up and even as something that helps youth “toughen up” and develop social skills. However, bullying can have extremely harmful lifelong impacts, for both the victim and the bully, and is strongly linked with domestic violence in several ways. With school starting again and both National Bullying Prevention Month and Domestic Violence Awareness Month coming up in October, it’s a perfect time to delve into bullying and its overlaps and associations with domestic violence.
What is Bullying?
There are many different definitions of bullying out there. Most agree that bullying includes at least three specific factors: 1) unwanted/aggressive harm or mistreatment, that is 2) repetitive, and 3) involves a real or perceived imbalance of power. Some definitions also add a fourth factor, that bullying is 4) intentional.
Bullying may be individual, i.e. perpetrated by one single person against another single person or group of people, or collective, i.e. perpetrated by more than one person/a group of people against one individual or another group of people. According to a Finish study, bullying (be it individual or collective) is often a “group process”, where, while they may not be an active bully/aggressor, other people frequently play a “participant role”, either as “reinforcer” or “assistant” to the bully/bullies or as “defender” of the victim.
Types of Bullying
Bullying is often categorized into three types: physical, verbal, and social/relational. Physical bullying involves hurting the victim’s body or possessions. It could include hitting, kicking, punching, spitting, tripping, pushing, taking and/or breaking the victim’s property, and even making rude or mean hand gestures. Verbal bullying involves saying or writing mean things about the victim. It could include name-calling, teasing, taunting, threatening, and making inappropriate sexual comments. Social or relational bullying involves hurting the victim’s reputation, social standing, or relationships. It is sometimes known as the “mean girl phenomenon” and can include purposefully leaving the victim out of a group/activity/event, discouraging others from being friends with the victim, spreading rumors about the victim, and embarrassing the victim in public. (Stop Bullying)
Cyberbullying
Cyberbullying is when technology is used to bully, such as through email, texting, instant messages, social media, online forums, etc. Cyberbullying is sometimes grouped as a type of bullying in and of itself, though it is basically a different medium to engage in the three main types discussed above. Verbal and social/relational bullying are the easiest to perpetrate through technology, but cyberbullying can also overlap with physical bullying if physical bullying is either prompted by a cyberbully or if physical bullying is captured in photos and/or video that are then shared through technology. Cyberbullying is becoming increasingly more common and is often easier to perpetrate and to participate in. Because it is not done face to face, the effects of cyberbullying on the victim are often not readily witnessed/known and, thus, are easier to miss or ignore. (Legal)
Is Bullying Different from Domestic Violence?
After reading through those descriptions of bullying, one might think, “But that sounds exactly like many common definitions of domestic violence or abuse.” The word “bullying” in any of the above paragraphs could easily be replaced with “abuse” and still be perfectly accurate. Both are all about power and control, with one person deliberately and repeatedly harming another through various tactics such as physical, verbal, emotional, and technological means. So, what is the difference? The practical separation of bullying and domestic violence seems to be that bullying is much more commonly associated with children and domestic violence with adults. In fact, US government organizations define bullying as a behavior specific to “school aged children” and “youth”. The CDC further narrows the definition to occur between youth who are not siblings or dating partners. This removes the “domestic” aspect from bullying, creating another separation from domestic violence.
However, while bullying is overwhelmingly associated with children, it is certainly not exclusive to them. Many general definitions make no mention of bullying being particular only to children. The legal definition, in fact, gives examples of bullying occurring in both schools and in workplaces and political or military settings, and includes coercion and stalking as potential forms of bullying, both also commonly associated with domestic violence. Bullying can absolutely occur between adults, particularly in a workplace setting and online, and can absolutely be “domestic”, occurring between intimate partners or family members, be they children, adults, or a mix. In a way, then, bullying encompasses domestic violence but is a broader term in that it includes, and is actually more frequently applied to, child-to-child and non-domestic situations. Likewise, domestic violence encompasses bullying in a domestic relationship but is broader in that it includes various abuse tactics that are not outrightly aggressive or that may even seem positive initially, such as love bombing.
The Correlations Between Childhood Bullying & Domestic Violence
Bullying is fairly common among children. Different studies report approximately 19% to 28% of students aged 12 to 18 are bullied at school. Bullying in general is much more common among middle schoolers than high schoolers, with up to 39% of 6th graders reporting some form of bullying, while cyberbullying is more common among high school students than middle schoolers. While every individual is unique, there are various common contributing factors as to why some youth bully others. These can range from peer factors (to attain or maintain social status, to fit in with a group, to control peers’ behavior) and school factors (experienced being excluded or stigmatized at school or bullying not being properly addressed at school), to emotional factors (being bullied themselves, insecurity, low self-esteem, not understanding or being able to control their emotions, lack of healthy social skills) and family factors (lack of parental/caregiver emotional support and/or life involvement, authoritarian parents/caregivers, and bullying, aggression, or violence at home) (Stop Bullying). It is this last factor where the connection between childhood bullying and domestic violence is the most visible.
There are three main correlations between childhood bullying and domestic violence. Witnessing or experiencing domestic violence at home can contribute to children bullying their peers. “Children learn from seeing what their primary caregivers do. They are very attuned and very observant about what goes on in a household,” said Dr. Nerissa Bauer, lead author of a 2006 study that found that 97% of bullies were also victims of bullying, “Parents are very powerful role models and children will mimic the behavior of parents, wanting to be like them. They may believe violence is OK and they can use it with peers. After all, they may think, ‘If [my parent] can do this, perhaps I can hit this kid to get my way.’ When parents engage in violence, children may assume violence is the right way to do things.” Coauthor Todd Herrenkohl added, “Children develop a mindset when they see how parents deal with problems. It is a script based on early observations in the home.”
Bullying, like childhood domestic violence (CDV), is often considered an Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE), a traumatic event at a young age that can have lasting adverse mental, physical, social, and emotional effects, especially when compounded by other ACEs.
The other two major correlations concern how childhood bullying can affect later adult relationships. A 2020 study found that participants who reported having bullied others as children had an elevated risk of perpetrating intimate partner violence and, similarly, that participants who had been victims of bullying as children had an elevated risk of intimate partner violence victimization. Other studies have produced similar findings of childhood relationship dynamics continuing into adolescent and adult relationships. “There’s definitely a correlation between children who bully and adults who batter,” says Yelitza Zamora, a domestic violence advocate and former bullying prevention program coordinator, “However, that is not to say that all children who bully will become batterers or that every adult batterer was a bully.” While the correlation between bullying and domestic violence is clear, that does not mean that either will definitely cause the other.
Responding to Bullying
While some believe good intentions may have unintended negative side effects, most experts suggest that intervention in bullying incidents and appropriate support of both bullies and their victims, can help prevent further bullying and mitigate potential negative effects for all involved, including risk of future domestic violence perpetration or victimization. Zamora and Ken Shetter, National Director of the Family Justice Center Alliance and President of One Safe Place, programs assisting domestic violence victims and families, agree that both adults and (perhaps more significantly) other kids can make a difference in a bullying situation. “Bullying makes you feel alone,” explains Shetter, “A bully is isolating their victim. When a peer is present for that child [the victim], physically and emotionally, it communicates to that kid that they’re not alone, and it communicates to the bully that they’re not effective in isolating them.” Zamora teaches kids how to safely intervene in bullying through bullying-prevention programs. “Even if the child isn’t a bully or being bullied,” he says, “Encouraging him/her to intervene when another child is being bullied can reduce and potentially eliminate bullying entirely. Children are more likely to stop their bullying behavior when another peer gets involved as opposed to an adult intervening. Teaching our kids to become safe bystanders can make a world of difference.”
Shetter further argues that bullies may react better to understanding and communication from adults, rather than traditional disciplinary actions. “For a child who’s bullying as a trauma response, I would say, they may be looking for structure, for guidance, for someone to set boundaries and rules. They’re not necessarily looking for strict or harsh discipline,” Shetter says, “What I do is first, pull that child aside and talk about how we treat one another, and we’ll talk about empathy. What does he or she imagine it feels like to be on the receiving end [of bullying]? Then I’ll communicate to the child that I see leadership qualities in them. Other kids are drawn to them, following them. We’ll talk about what kind of opportunity that creates for that person. You can choose to use that in a way that harms others, or you can choose to use that in a way that creates joy for others and does good things.” Shetter believes this sort of approach can have a huge impact but that quick intervention is imperative to success. “You can turn it around,” he says, “But it’s not going to turn itself around.”
While these suggestions relate to children bullying other children, they may be applicable to some situations of adult bullying as well. For example, colleagues intervening in workplace bullying can help the victim feel supported and nullify some of the power the bully was trying to gain, while a boss can attempt a conversation with a bully to lay out clear expectations and potentially understand and assist with circumstances heightening the bully’s aggression. Whether they are children or adults, Kayte Anton of the Enid, Oklahoma YWCA Crisis Center cautions against mediation between bullies and victims, however, suggesting that they will not be able to “work out their problems” that way and that it could, in fact, re-victimize the victim.
Breaking the Cycle
With the substantial overlap of bullying and domestic violence, and each potentially feeding the other, can this vicious cycle be disrupted? Multiple studies have concluded that bullying prevention and intervention may also help prevent dating violence and domestic abuse, especially among youth. A 2014 study of adolescent dating violence concluded that prevention efforts against physical and verbal bullying could also help prevent teen dating violence. A 2015 study found that bullies who were not victims themselves and who experienced the emotional distress of anger (as opposed to anxiety or depression) were at the highest risk of perpetrating dating violence, suggesting anger management skills would be a useful component of prevention efforts. A 2019 study of the link between bullying and domestic violence in adolescents and young adults concluded that school programs and interventions around bullying contributed to declines in both aggression and intimate partner violence (IPV) among participants. It suggests that integration of IPV and sexual assault education into bullying-prevention programs could be helpful and that anti-bullying and anti-abuse messages should continue to be reinforced in adult settings, including colleges and workplaces. “A key is early identification of this kind of problem,” stresses Herrenkohl, “But it is never too late to intervene to break the cycle of violence.”
While bullying-prevention programs for children and teens can also help prevent domestic violence, a greater impact may be made with a societal shift in how bullying is viewed. Stephen T. Russell, director of the Frances McClelland Institute for Children, Youth and Families at the University of Arizona, says bullying isn’t “just a fact of growing.” He believes cultural norms around things such as gender roles and disrespect for minority groups contribute to bullying. “Bullying prevention often focuses on behaviors or individuals,” he explains, “We need to focus on creating cultures of respect and tolerance for difference.” Jay G. Silverman, an associate professor at the Harvard School of Public Health, agrees that both perpetrators of bullying and of domestic violence might have feelings of “entitlement”, that they have a “right” to that behavior because of their gender, race, social standing, etc. Celebrating diversity of ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, etc. in a culture of inclusion and equality could contribute significantly to reducing and eliminating bullying and domestic violence.
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