NOTE: This post differs from DVSN’s normal blog content in several ways. It is an extensive exploration of both professional accomplishments and quite personal details in the life of DVSN’s Executive Director, Jacquelin Apsler, who only agreed to this profile if it served a larger learning purpose. The post spans two months in our typically-monthly blog format in order to fully respect her story and reflect on what can be gleaned from it.
Jacquelin Apsler accepted the position as Executive Director (ED) of what was then a tiny nonprofit known as Domestic Violence Victim Assistance Program (DVVAP) because, as she says, she could. Then a member of the DVVAP board, Jaki was asked to step in when the previous ED suddenly resigned. She recalls her thought process as, “I can do this. I can help. I’m in a position where I can help right now, so I’ll do that.” This role was her third “retirement gig”, having already had a full career in education as a learning disabilities teacher and middle school principal as well as shorter stints as a financial consultant at a major investment firm and as Director of Administration & Educational Services at a growing architectural firm. She had no inkling that two decades later she would still be going strong, continuing to guide that nonprofit that she helped grow into the collaborative, multi-pronged, community-focused organization that is today Domestic Violence Services Network, Inc. (DVSN).
To honor and celebrate Jacquelin’s 20 years at the helm of DVSN, we want to mark this milestone with a profile of our ED, her accomplishments at DVSN and in the community, and the positive impact she has and will continue to have on others. Jaki’s talent at building relationships and networking, formidable drive to help people, open-minded consideration, thoughtful style of leadership, and jovial personality are instructive of successful leadership qualities. The plethora of DVSN community members who contributed their thoughts on Jaki for this profile attest to these factors and to her influence.
Community & Relationship Building
At the heart of DVSN’s mission and vision are community, partnerships, and collaboration. Building the relationships, outreach programs, and volunteer base it takes to sustain DVSN’s unique model are areas where Jacquelin shines. “We have grown so much since Jaki started,” says Alison Tarmy, DVSN Director of Client Services, “and it is because of her vision.” Current Past President of DVSN’s Board Christine Francis calls Jacquelin a “powerhouse”, a “networking giant”, and “the heart of DVSN’s public identity”. “She has a strong ability to build trust and maintain high-stakes professional relationships,” adds Christine, “She doesn’t just ‘meet’ people; she secures long-term, functional partnerships.” New board member and longtime community partner, Deborah Garfield agrees, “Jaki excels at bringing people together and finding new ways to work with one another, which creates long-lasting collaborations.”
Collaboration is critical and valuable to Jacquelin personally in her approach to running DVSN. According to longtime friend, colleague, and DVSN ally Pat Nelson, “Early in our 20+ year friendship she said to me that the key to being a successful leader of a nonprofit is relationships. ‘Pat, it’s all about relationships.’ I have repeated her words of wisdom a thousand times. She has demonstrated the value of her advice in her exemplary leadership of DVSN.” When asked what she considers her greatest achievement as Executive Director, Jaki answered, “I think it really is building relationships and building community. Building community on so many levels, within and without.” There are various ways Jaki has striven to do this throughout her tenure, from growing the number of police and community partners and integrating them into DVSN’s Volunteer Advocate Training, to seizing new opportunities that present themselves and developing ways to improve DVSN programs and services and how various agencies work together.
DVSN Police Partners
One of the reasons DVSN is unique among domestic violence nonprofits is because of its police partnerships. These partner departments refer anyone they interact with whom they feel may benefit from DVSN’s services, then DVSN Advocates reach out to those referrals to offer confidential support and resources. When Jacquelin took over as Executive Director in 2006, DVSN had 7 referring police partners. Today, DVSN is partnered with 12 area police departments and Hanscom Air Force Base. Current DVSN Board President Melinda Gladden calls Jacquelin “an exceptional collaborator who has worked tirelessly to cultivate strong partnerships with law enforcement, developing meaningful relationships with police chiefs and working closely with departments to ensure survivors receive the support and advocacy they deserve.” Lexington Police Chief Michael McLean echoes this, remarking, “Jaki has become one of my favorite professional collaborators and someone I consider a friend.” According to Christine, Jaki’s “skill in navigating both the law enforcement and non-profit sectors provides a rare and valuable bridge for the organization.” As Advocate Marilyn puts it, “It’s no small feat to get 12 police departments to confide in any organization. That DVSN volunteer Advocates are trusted and revered for helping as partners to keep DV victims safe is nothing short of miraculous.”
As a leader of one of DVSN’s 12 partner departments, Chief McLean sees the value of this partnership and of Jacquelin’s role in fostering and maintaining it. “In my experience as a Chief of Police,” he shares, “Jaki has done a really good job of getting a buy-in from all of our member departments and of getting officers to want to be involved in DVSN and to do everything they can at domestic calls to ensure clients are getting the best possible services.” Sudbury Police Chief Scott Nix agrees with his fellow partner chief, expressing that “DVSN is an amazing organization we are proud to collaborate with!” Retired Lincoln Police Chief A. Kevin Kennedy reflects, “Over the years, I have watched Jaki build trust with law enforcement partners, the District Attorney’s Office, Probation, and the Court, always keeping the needs of victims and families at the center of the conversation.” Melinda adds, “Jaki’s ability to foster trust and collaboration with law enforcement has strengthened the organization’s impact throughout the community.” Christine agrees that the “high praise” Jacquelin earns from key law enforcement partners “is critical for the credibility of DVSN as a domestic violence service organization.”
This impact is felt both in the nearly doubled number of partner departments during Jaki’s tenure and through their readiness to not only refer clients to DVSN but to participate in DVSN programs and lend the organization support in multiple ways. One longtime DVSN community member observes, “Several police chiefs frequently remark that DVSN is vital to their operation. They support DVSN by sending officers and dispatchers to DVSN’s Advocate training, attending quarterly Chiefs Council meetings with service providers presenting community resources, and advocating for financial support from their respective towns. Jaki’s close relationships with police results from her efforts to understand their needs and support their work.” By looking not only at how police partners can help DVSN and its clients but also at how DVSN can help improve the safety and effectiveness of police interactions with victims and abusers through education, knowledge of resources, and streamlined community collaboration, Jacquelin has helped evolve and expand these mutually beneficial partnerships and reinforce their importance to both parties.
CMAST (High Risk Team)
One such interactive program that Jacquelin was instrumental in developing is the Central Middlesex Assessment for Safety Team, known as CMAST. Jacquelin cited helping to develop CMAST as a prime example of why she is especially proud of her relationship and community building efforts. CMAST is a high-risk team of various branches of law enforcement facilitated by DVSN. It includes the 9 police partners (including Hanscom Air Force Base) who fall into Concord District Court’s bailiwick, the Middlesex District Attorney’s office (including ADAs and Victim Witness Advocates), Court Probation, the Sheriff’s Office, Billerica House of Correction, and the MA Parole Board. CMAST formalizes a process of communication between these distinct but interrelated legal sectors and DVSN (as a representative of and conduit to various service providers) to identify victims at the greatest risk of lethality and to monitor offenders who pose a threat to them. With this regular communication, all involved parties get the information they need to best help victims and improve their chances of preventing fatalities. Prior to the development of CMAST there was no high-risk team for Concord District Court. CMAST was an early example of this style of collaboration. Besides its innovation, CMAST’s endurance and effectiveness are testament to what Jaki’s emphasis on collaboration can achieve.
DVSN Community Partners
Beyond police partnerships, DVSN collaborates with a number of community organizations, including the aforementioned legal arms of law enforcement (the Concord District Court and Middlesex District Attorney’s Office) and various physical and mental health providers (such as Emerson Health and Windhorse Counseling). This is another area that Jacquelin has been instrumental in growing as Executive Director. “In 2006,” explains DVSN Board Past President Christine Francis, “Our programs were just the phone outreach and occasional court support with few, if any, community partner services. Now, our strong partnerships with myriad community and municipal agencies serve our clients in countless ways. Jaki’s ability to engage local coalitions and diverse service providers has directly led to an expanded reach for DVSN’s mission.” Alannah DiBona, Executive Director of Windhorse Counseling, one of DVSN’s newest community partners, remarks, “Since meeting Jaki, we’ve been proudly working as a partner organization to DVSN. I’m consistently struck by the quality of the connections Jaki is able to make and maintain, and we remain in awe of all that she’s selflessly built in order to protect and promote others.”
DVSN Speaker Series Panel January 2021
According to DVSN Board Member Marilyn Peterson, “A significant challenge facing Jacquelin when she became Executive Director was DVSN’s lack of visibility in the community. She accepted the challenge and took the DVSN story on the road to local Lions and Rotary clubs, churches, local organizations, and even the Middlesex District Attorney’s Office. Today the MDA is one of our strongest and most vocal supporters.” DA Marian Ryan agrees, declaring, “Over the last 20 years, Jacquelin has been an invaluable resource for the Middlesex District Attorney’s Office and our law enforcement partners. She seamlessly blends her commitment to the safety of our communities with her priority for prevention and education. Jacquelin has spearheaded innovations that have made significant and lasting impacts in the field of domestic violence. So many survivors, who do not know Jacquelin, owe her a debt of gratitude for the ways in which she has made their lives better. I am proud to call her a friend!” Former Board Member and DVSN Job Recruiter Jessye Kass Karlin sums up, “Jacquelin has grown the programs at DVSN and provided new ways for community members to be involved. She is a force to be reckoned with indeed!”
Broader Community Involvement
Jacquelin is active in many community organizations both through DVSN and due to her own personal volunteer interest, including the Rotary Club of Bedford, the Lincoln Library Trustees, Lincoln’s Capital Planning Committee, Emerson Health Corporators, Concord Behavioral Health Collaborative, and the Sudbury-Wayland-Lincoln Domestic Violence Roundtable, among others. In fact, Jaki first became involved with DVSN through its board, where she served as Vice President. As DVSN Director of Resilience & Empowerment Initiatives Carole Thompson puts it, “Jaki is engaged in her community and generously gives her time and treasure to causes and institutions that she believes in, all with a lightness of spirit and an undeniable networking prowess. In fact, she is a weaver, a relationship weaver. She connects the many facets of her world into a beautiful web of those who inspire her, those who fascinate her, and those who simply touch her heart.”
One DVSN community member suggests that Jaki’s participation in these numerous community and regional organizations, “further extends the reach of DVSN.” Board Member and community partner Deborah Garfield explains, “Jaki has an extraordinary ability to talk about the mission of DVSN and how its services and resources can help those in need. She has brought DVSN into every aspect of the communities that she is involved with and has gone out of her way to educate the community to ensure that there is no shame in seeking support.” Jacquelin herself agrees, clarifying, “I believe in and really see the value of being a part of the community. As DVSN’s ED, I’m a part of 13 communities in many ways. So, I see myself being a cross-pollinator, being able to see different ways in which towns handle their issues and structures and problems that are similar. I can come in and share what I’ve seen in other towns as an example of another way to do something. I have the benefit and the honor of being able to participate in all these towns and bring another pair of eyes and another resource to each of them.”
Image Credit: Bedford Rotary Social Media
Victim Safe Waiting Room
One example of how Jacquelin’s personal community involvement led to a joint project with DVSN is the Victim Safe Waiting Room at Concord District Court. Safe Waiting Rooms are secure areas where victims can wait for court proceedings away from their abusers. When Concord District Court first established their Safe Waiting Room, it was a repurposed, sparsely furnished, windowless room. When Jacquelin shared some information about the room with her fellow Bedford Rotarians, she sparked significant interest that eventually led to eight local Rotary Clubs working together with DVSN to pursue a grant and refurbish the Safe Waiting Room. This included updating and donating furniture, adding decorative touches to soften the atmosphere, and supplying the room with necessities such as tissues, books and activities for children, and books and resources for victims, making it much more welcoming, comfortable, and useful. All the details, including photographs, can be found in DVSN’s December 2025 blog post, “Courthouse Victim Safe Waiting Rooms: Importance & Impact”. This project shows how Jaki’s “cross-pollinating” community involvement was directly responsible for significantly improving a resource for DVSN clients and for all victims who use it. “It was so fabulous, a community organization pulling it together, getting everybody going, doing it, being on top of it,” recalls Jacquelin, “I’m very proud of that one.”
Integrated Training
When asked which of DVSN’s programs and services she is most proud of, Jacquelin’s immediate response was the biannual Volunteer Advocate Training, specifically the inclusion of police and community partners along with DVSN volunteer Advocates. “Our training has really evolved into something incredibly special, unique, and impactful,” she mused. The training is perhaps the best illustration of Jaquelin’s collaborative process and the ripple effect it can have. “DVSN always offered an amazing training program for our Advocates,” explains Director of Client Services Alison Tarmy, who facilitates segments of the training, “But Jaki saw the value of including police and community partners in the class. She was right! In class we are all learning from each other and leave the 3-week training program with a greater understanding (and respect) of what everyone does. Our Advocates see the police as people and not just uniforms, and the police see how much support our program and Advocates offer to the community. It is a special relationship.”
Chief McLean is equally effusive about the mutual benefit of the integrated training. “Having officers attend the Advocate Training has probably had the biggest impact,” he shares, “To date, we have sent numerous members of the department of all ranks to the training, and every single one has come back and said how important it is. Volunteers, dispatchers, and officers sitting down together and establishing personal relationships prior to professional ones is outstanding. I feel like officers who attend the training really have an idea of what the Advocates need to deliver services, and I feel like the Advocates know what officers on the scene of domestic violence incidents are going through. Everyone works together to make sure they complete their responsibilities and ensure the next person in the process has everything they need to do the same. This continues through each and every step in the process to ensure our clients are receiving life-changing care!” Community partner Ali Malkin had a similar experience of DVSN’s training, revealing, “Meeting the others taking the training, I was struck by the diverse communities Jaki connects. There we were: police officers, lawyers, financial advisors, social workers, and community members—all brought together by Jaki. Her steadfast belief in collaboration, in bringing skilled and talented people to train us, and the trust she instills is palpable.” Relationships built in training, where everyone is learning together and from each other, improve trainees’ abilities to support abuse victims in their various roles and nurture a fuller sense of community.
No One Right Way to Do Things
Along with community and relationship building, another strong theme of Jacquelin’s approach as DVSN’s Executive Director is her ability to see and consider multiple perspectives and methods. Through Jaki’s education and work experience, she developed a mix of interpersonal and business skills. She majored in psychology at UCLA before getting her Teaching Credentials and a Master of Education degree in Curriculum and Instruction and Child Development. Working in special education with children who had learning differences gave Jaki early insight into the diverse ways people learn and do things. In order to help her pupils, she had to discover what worked best for them to interact and learn. “When you’re in special education,” she comments, “You learn the value of understanding how people learn differently. And that’s important.” This insight translated into other jobs and spheres of life for Jaki, as she was able to jump into various arenas without fear, thinking of them as just another lens through which to view the world.
Jaki’s early work with these children also instilled in her a desire to fight for their welfare, for the resources, understanding, and equity to allow them to get the same education as any other student. She quickly realized that she could make a much more significant impact if she entered the administrative and management side of things, which triggered her to pursue a Master of Business Administration (MBA) from Boston University and the role of middle school principal. Despite a self-confessed “bias against business” at the time, Jacquelin decided to enter that world to see what she could learn from it and ended up “absolutely loving it”. “It definitely validated what I thought I had learned in lived experience,” she expands. Jaki learned a new way of doing things through business and has spent her work life as a principal, financial consultant, architecture administrator, and as Executive Director of DVSN putting that into practice. Within these positions, she also maintained her willingness to try new things and see what works best in each situation.
Open to Opportunities & Making the Most of Them
DVSN Board Member Marilyn Peterson sees this trait of being open to different ways of doing things as “Jacquelin’s delight in saying ‘yes’ to any opportunity”, which she believes has impacted DVSN’s community presence and resulted in “multiple new DVSN friends and supporters and even new board members.” As fellow Board Member Jersouk Touy puts it, “Jacquelin doesn’t wait for formal structures to evolve. Instead, she leverages opportunities, cultivates relationships, and stands up as a leader when necessary.” District Attorney Marian Ryan provides examples of this, citing Jaki’s willingness to help with her initiatives, “whether it is being in the classroom to educate cosmetology students in our ‘Cut It Out’ program on how to recognize signs of abuse in their clients or convening leaders across the community to work on a community college program for survivors.”
Other recent examples of opportunities Jaki has seized and maximized include cultivating new partnerships large and small (such as Windhorse Counseling and student initiative Crafts for a Cause), establishing ways to nurture existing and new partnerships (such as the Service Providers Workshop), and developing new programs with existing partners (such as Network for Justice with MetroWest Legal Services). Making the most of all kinds of opportunities has not only helped increase and improve services available to DVSN clients and others in the community but also feeds into overall community building and awareness of DVSN and the issue of domestic violence.
Tailoring Based on Needs
Jacquelin’s openness to appreciate and employ different ways of doing things has resulted in many of DVSN’s programs and services being adapted and tailored to the needs of those involved in them, both providers and clients. Chief McLean notes that, as opposed to other advocates he has previously worked with, “DVSN puts a priority on reaching victims in ways that minimize potential increased danger.” He also feels the way DVSN follows up with the police on the clients they refer makes a difference to them. “The advocates we used to utilize really did not have any contact with members of our department nor did they ever ask follow up questions or let officers know the outcome of cases,” he explains, “Jaki has really made it a priority to notify the departments on numbers of calls and contacts. This is important for us to share with our staff.” This balance of following up with police to show them with statistics that their referrals are making a difference while maintaining the confidentiality of the particulars of client interactions serves both parties’ needs, supporting the strength and longevity of police partnerships that allow DVSN to help more clients. “Jaki is doing something special here,” adds Chief McLean, “that I guarantee is not being replicated anywhere in the nation.”
Along similar lines, the structure of the CMAST high-risk team is based on addressing issues Jacquelin identified with this type of group. The law enforcement participants have limited availability and time to dedicate to regular meetings, and they are legally bound to disclose information to the other side in court cases. Having a number of different services providers attending meetings to discuss their interactions with particular clients could take a long time and, more worryingly, there would be more potential to inadvertently mention client details that could harm them if their abusers were aware, which law enforcement would then be obligated to disclose to their abusers in any court cases. With DVSN acting as a representative of various service providers, there is less risk of disclosure and a more streamlined presentation. Jaki also insisted that each participating party should have two representatives on CMAST, so that if one was unavailable for a meeting, the other could attend and information would not be missed. This is an example of learning what isn’t working for others and coming up with solutions to improve efficiency and effectiveness.
Support Groups
Another instance of Jaki’s tailoring influence, and also capitalizing on opportunities, is DVSN’s support groups. Before COVID, DVSN referred clients to various support groups run by external agencies but found they ran into issues with long wait lists, clients not being able to make the designated time, not being able to get to the location, not feeling welcome, and not getting enough individual support within or beyond the group. By early 2020, Jacquelin had secured a grant from the Cummings Foundation and hired a facilitator for a resilience-building program for the children of clients. When lockdown forced that plan to be postponed, Jaki started thinking of other ways to use the funding and the facilitator, now DVSN’s Director of Resilience & Empowerment Initiatives, Carole Thompson. She knew Carole had extensive experience running support groups and that those groups could much more easily be run online, so with Cummings’ permission, she pivoted the project to developing DVSN’s highly customized online support groups.
In order to minimize the issues many clients were having with other programs, Carole and her co-facilitator, Sherry, reach out to clients whom DVSN Advocates have identified as interested in support groups to discuss what they need and where they are in their journeys. They then match them into groups of 6-10 people they think will work well with and learn from each other and who have similar availability. The timing of the meetings and the content of each session can change with the needs of the group. Meeting on Zoom turned out to be so convenient for people that it continued to be the norm even after lockdowns ended. Participants in the first few groups expressed a desire to continue connecting and supporting each other regularly, which grew into an alumni group called “The Sisters of the Phoenix”. This is an example of the success of taking the essentials of typical services and tailoring the details to the needs of DVSN’s particular clients and model.
Jaki’s faculty of identifying an opportunity in the midst of a setback and willingness to try something different from the norm resulted in a program she identified as another she was most proud of. “She has a remarkable ability to meet people where they are,” says Melinda Gladden, “building genuine, trusting relationships with survivors, advocates, law enforcement partners, and staff. Those relationships have been instrumental in making DVSN the trusted, respected resource it is today.” These qualities are not static or exclusive to the initial development of programs and services, either. “I appreciate how Jaki is constantly revisiting our trainings, speakers, events, etc. to see what went well and what can be improved,” expresses Alison Tarmy, “There is always room for improvement, and seeing how much DVSN has grown in the past 20 years is the true testament.”
Driven to Help People
Jacquelin has always been driven to help people, a drive which stems from her difficult childhood. Jaki’s parents divorced when she was five years old and she never saw her father again. A reputably funny, gregarious, and talented man, he came home from World War II a decorated war hero with significant PTSD, which likely contributed to his death by suicide when Jaki was 19. Her mother was neglectful and emotionally abusive, having experienced physical and emotional abuse from her own mother. This caused Jaki to have to be very independent from a very young age, recalling “sending herself to kindergarten”, as she put it, and having “just a sense of being in the way or just not being part of anything that I need to be part of, always on my own.” Jacquelin was also entrusted to the care of an uncle who sexually abused her for three years. “And what came out of that, I think,” she ponders, “was this extreme sense of self-consciousness and not wanting to be the center of attention. Just this intense embarrassment.” Jacquelin’s mother remarried but put up a barrier between Jacquelin and her stepfather with reminders that he was not her actual father and should not interfere, while simultaneously forcing the family to keep secret that Jaki wasn’t her husband’s biological daughter. The family moved to California, causing upheaval for Jacquelin, who attended eight schools before 5th grade, increasing her feelings of isolation. Additionally, they were all dealing with hostility due to religious intolerance from both Jaki’s mother’s Christian family and her new stepfather’s Jewish one. “So, I mean, these are the things I grew up with,” she matter-of-factly concludes.
However, Jacquelin credits her stepfather with contrasting her mother by providing a caring parental example in the limited way he was able. While he was Jewish, Jacquelin’s stepfather was not a very religious man and offered to take her to church if she wanted to go. Learning about different religions and recognizing the inconsistency in the kindness of her stepfather toward her versus the horrible things her maternal grandmother said about him and Jews in general, informed her developing worldview of “there’s not just one right answer, one way to do things”. Despite believing women do not need to be educated, Jaki’s stepfather took out a loan to send her to college when she wanted to go, giving her a sense of hope and balancing out her mother enough to prevent her abuse taking over Jaki’s understanding of the world and relationships. “I would have to say with all of the hardships that I went through or endured,” she reveals, “there was still a core of me that was me, that knew I didn’t have to follow that convention. I feel like I’ve had the good fortune of being exposed to ambiguities and contradictions of the world early on, and, fortunately, my mindset was such that I was open to being broadened. I think the kind of intelligence I have is that interpersonal piece that’s very strong that allowed me to survive really horrific situations relatively healthily.”
Protecting & Standing Up for Others
After being told it would be too difficult as a woman to pursue her interest in engineering (“Men are not going to want to work for you. You’re not going to be allowed get anywhere; you’re not going to be able to advance at all.”), Jacquelin sought a degree in psychology (“a different kind of engineering, of understanding how things go together and the dynamics of people”). This, along with all of Jaki’s traumatic experiences, led her to the realization that what she most wanted in a career was to do something with and for children, to protect them the way that she needed to be protected. “I always had wanted to be someone who would protect children and help children to reach their highest ability and to feel empowered and valued,” Jacquelin shares, “That’s really a goal I always had that came out of my own personal experiences.” She did just that as a teacher and a principal and later broadened her scope to victims of all ages, not just children, when she took on her role at DVSN. As Chief Nix says, “Director Apsler brings commitment and compassion second to none in providing services for those experiencing traumatic circumstances.” “I truly feel there is nothing she would not do for a client or any of the Chiefs in the membership,” Chief McLean agrees, “I can speak for the Lexington Police Department when I say I have no doubt in my mind that anyone in our community who may need DVSN will receive the best available services.”
Jaki describes herself as “pathologically shy” as a young person, largely due to what she experienced in her home life. She credits putting herself in “noticeably difficult situations” and in roles where she was fighting for others with giving her the confidence to overcome that shyness and train herself to be such a strong leader and public person. “Jaki’s ability to grow as a person has helped her be a better leader at work,” suggests Board Member Jersouk, “This is a strong reminder that developing leadership skills is not just about learning new things; it requires self-awareness and is deeply personal.” Fellow Board Member Marilyn Peterson adds, “Jacquelin is an innovative leader, caring, committed, informed, and driven by a desire/need to right the wrongs suffered by victims of domestic abuse and to make the world a safer place for all.”
Motivated by Her Past to Help & Empower Others
To add to her adverse childhood experiences, Jacquelin also had a controlling college boyfriend who did not like her moving on after they broke up and raped her during a huge fight. Like many victims, Jaki didn’t think of it as rape at the time and blamed herself for disappointing him and making him feel like he “had to do that to her”. It was many years before she came to understand the rape for what it was. This experience of intimate partner abuse goes along with her experience of child abuse in informing her understanding in her position with a domestic violence agency and the potential feelings and needs of clients that she and her team support. As DVSN Advocate Susan puts it, “Jacquelin’s vision is both simple and profound: a community where every person is safe, valued, respected, and able to thrive in healthy, equitable relationships. That vision is not only evident in her leadership, it is reflected in the lives she has helped transform and in the countless people she has inspired to become part of the solution, including me. She doesn’t just imagine a safer community — she builds it!”
In her role at DVSN, Jacquelin feels she can draw from her personal traumatic experiences and what she has learned from them to help her to come up with creative solutions in many areas when none are obvious or naysayers reject them. Jacquelin also deeply understands the frequent sentiment among abuse victims that nobody knows what they are going through, nobody could possibly understand, and nobody can help, perhaps leading to her emphasis on empowerment and DVSN’s strong tenet of supporting clients to make their own decisions when they are ready. Susan feels this is Jaki’s “greatest strength”, “her unwavering belief that every survivor deserves to be heard, supported, and empowered.” Jacquelin’s longtime friend and peer Pat Nelson sums up, stating, “I have in Jaki a loyal loving friend and amazing colleague who I know will always have my back. The hundreds of victims of DV have the same.”
Using Skills in a Meaningful Way
It is not only her experience of abuse but also her educational and work experience that made Jacquelin think she would be a good fit for the Executive Director role at DVSN. “I have certain skills and abilities that can be helpful to people, and to not use those is wrong,” she explains, “I feel driven to help people and not leave them to stagnate in a place of pain. Because so many people are in such pain, and if I can be helpful a little bit, a little bit of a bridge, a little bit of an eye opener, a little bit of an empower-er, that’s what I should be doing. And DVSN allows me to do that, to use the skills that I have to help the people that we serve.” Board Member Jersouk Touy sees the intersection of Jaki’s experiences in her work, remarking, “Her point of view is shaped by both her personal life and decades of professional experience working with others in places with limited resources. She has a natural ability to put things together, identify patterns, and predict problems.” Colleague Alison Tarmy agrees, enthusing, “I have never met anyone as organized and detail oriented as Jaki!”
Among the skills Jacquelin utilizes at DVSN are her managerial and financial expertise. Board Member Marilyn Peterson recalls when Jaki began at DVSN, “Those early days were financially challenging. We lacked sustainable funding sources to support our programs beyond local community chests and individual donations. Jacquelin accepted the challenge and began applying for state and federal multi-year grants, while at the same time developing partnerships with local organizations and agencies to increase local support. The results of her efforts are reflected in DVSN’s current financial stability.” Past President Christine Francis agrees, “Her deep expertise in domestic violence issues allows her to design and implement innovative programs that are effective and well-executed. She successfully funds these programs through grants and other fundraising. In addition, her financial background leads to sound budget management and investment growth.” DVSN Advocate Marilyn sums up Jaki’s skills, describing her as “a communicator, educator, organizer, and one who reaches out to make connections, bringing warmth and genuine pleasure to all who meet her.”
The Power of Personality
A sentiment that seems widely held in the DVSN community is that Jacquelin’s dedicated and animated personality plays a part in her success at fostering the community connections and partnerships that make DVSN what it is today. When asked if she had any response to that statement, Jaki’s humor came out in her reply of, “Can I disagree with that? No.” She went on to express more seriously, “I love what I do, so it’s gratifying to hear. It feels good.”
Dedication, Drive, & Determination
When asked about Jacquelin, many DVSN community members mention her energy and dedication. “Jaki’s devotion to DVSN and our community is clear,” declares Alison Tarmy, “I will often encourage Jaki to take time for self-care since she seems to work 24/7. She assures me she does, and I think DVSN IS her self-care!” According to friend and community ally Jan Stewart, “Jaki is a perfectionist and that leads her to spend countless daylight as well as nighttime hours working on projects, grants, or presentations until they are ‘just right’.” Carole Thompson agrees, “She strives for and delivers excellence. She shows up.” “Over the 10 years I worked with her,” says former Bedford Police Chief Robert Bongiorno, “I witnessed first-hand her unwavering dedication to the mission of DVSN and her profound impact on countless lives.” Alison provides an example, “Although I am fully capable of facilitating our training sessions on my own, Jaki has never missed a training class. Her presence shows the Advocates and our partners that she is deeply committed.” Advocate Sue feels that effect, remarking, “From the start, Jaki brought a commitment and an energy that I have come to appreciate even more as the years have passed, an energy that has never diminished. Her dedication to ending relationship abuse is total, and she has inspired all of us who volunteer in this field to give more of ourselves than we thought we could.” Concord Police Chief Thomas Mulcahy sees the impact of Jaki’s determination in other ways, observing, “Through her tireless pursuit of grants and funding opportunities, Jaki has expanded critical services and resources for victims, ensuring that countless victims and survivors receive the protection, advocacy, and support they need during some of the most difficult times in their lives.”
Perhaps Board Past President Christine Francis summed it up best when introducing Jacquelin at DVSN’s 2026 Celebration of Hope Benefit fundraiser this past May. “I could go on and on,” she began, “But I was wondering how I could sum up Jaki’s leadership over the past 20 years. After considering a number of adjectives, I settled on zealous. To be zealous means to be filled with intense enthusiasm, passion, or eager dedication towards a specific person, cause, or ideal. It describes a person who is exceptionally motivated, energetic, and committed, often investing significant time or effort into their pursuits. For those of you who know Jaki, I think you’ll agree that the word ‘zealous’ describes her. Please join me in congratulating and thanking Jacquelin Apsler for 20 years of zealous leadership of DVSN.”
Balancing Vision & Practicality
Another trait that has served Jacquelin well is her mix of aiming high while still considering what is realistic. “She is what I would call a leader-manager,” describes Board Member Jersouk, “In that she is strategic yet relational, analytical yet empathetic, and visionary yet practical.” Board President Melinda Gladden agrees, “What sets Jaki apart is her rare ability to balance exceptional intelligence with deep compassion. She is a thoughtful, strategic leader who sees both the big picture and the human impact behind every decision. Her vision, sound judgment, and dedication have helped guide DVSN’s growth into the strong, highly respected organization it is today. Jaki doesn’t simply lead with her head or her heart – she leads with both, creating a culture of excellence, trust, and unwavering commitment to survivors.” Advocate Sue, who met Jaki 13 years ago through the Sudbury Wayland Lincoln Domestic Violence Roundtable, sees the result of this balance, explaining, “The clear-eyed vision she shared with the Roundtable has not stayed an idea – it has been actualized at DVSN, shaping real support and real change for those who need it most.”
Leading with Respect & Trust
Jacquelin’s open, flexible, collaborative attitude is also displayed in her leadership style as a supervisor. “As a boss, Jaki is the best,” commends Alison, “She knows that I know what needs to be done and gives me the space and trust to do it. If I run into a challenge, she will drop everything to listen. Through her thoughtful questions and suggestions, she helps address the issue in a way I may not have seen. I also know she has my back. The work we do is sometimes nuanced and knowing she has my back allows me to do the challenging work with confidence.” Sandy, a DVSN Advocate, echoes this sentiment, “When I’ve called Jacquelin as my support person during a difficult phone shift, she is unfailingly upbeat and encouraging, even if I myself am melting down!” According to Board Member Jersouk Touy, “Jacquelin’s style is all about relational leadership. She leads by building trust, uncovering what motivates people, and giving them space to grow. She sees herself more as a guide who helps others reach their full potential. Jacquelin’s way of leading is transformative as it looks for long-term effects, personal development, and teamwork versus short-term control.” Indeed, among the things Jaki mentioned she was most proud of was her staff pursuing the development their own ideas for DVSN, of which this blog is an example.
Joviality & Thoughtfulness
The aspects of Jacquelin’s personality that are perhaps most immediately apparent are her joie de vivre, humor, and caring. Longtime sexual assault trainer for DVSN Sharon Imperato expresses the power of these traits, reflecting, “Let me start by saying I absolutely adore Jaki. From the moment I first walked into the room, she made me feel welcomed, cared for, and valued, and that hasn’t changed once in the ten-plus years I’ve been training DVSN advocates. Every single time I walk through that door, the same warmth is waiting for me. I also have the honor of watching her give that same welcome, that same care, that same sense of worth to every advocate and community member who walks into that space.” Those who have known Jaki a significantly shorter time agree. “I was lucky enough to meet Jaki for the first time just over a year ago when she attended our open house,” recalls Windhorse ED Alannah DiBona, “We (the Windhorse team) were transfixed by Jaki’s warmth and the power of her presence; it was if we’d been family friends for years! Jaki has many superpowers; we jokingly refer to her as a Gladwellian-style superconnector, but her true gift is the ability to make people feel seen, held, understood, and celebrated almost instantaneously.”
As one longtime DVSN community member puts it, “Jaki treats everyone from all walks of life or whatever their role with respect and appreciation – welcoming them warmly as members of the DVSN team. She easily joins in both good-natured teasing and discussion of serious matters, trading quips with the best, endearing everyone with her quick sense of humor.” Jacquelin herself feels her positivity and good humor are essential to her character, musing, “I think I have a pretty positive outlook on things. I enjoy humor. I find humor in a lot of things in a lot of ways. I laugh a lot. That’s an important component of who I am. When I look at my friends and when I’m with people in groups, I think they like to be around me because they’re laughing, because it’s fun. And not laughing at people, but just laughing, enjoying things.” Longtime friend Pat Nelson adds, “Jaki is one of the warmest, most caring, dedicated, hardworking, and funniest ED’s I have ever known.” Coworker and friend Carole concurs, calling Jacquelin a “multifaceted, multitalented, eccentric in a delightful combination of warmth, charm, brilliance, charisma, and playfulness.”
Advocate Sandy notes Jaki’s joviality endures in many situations, explaining, “Jacquelin is a dynamo of energy and ideas, yet she always seems calm and has a sense of humor about herself and the difficulties of running DVSN.” Board Member Deborah Garfield echoes this, adding, “She has a way of making ordinary tasks fun and engaging and of exciting other people to get involved and participate with the best of themselves. She’s magical in a way, because she’s got that kind of personality, but the magic is really about what she creates. I think it takes a special kind of person to know how to do that, especially around a topic that a lot of people don’t want to hear about, or don’t think exists in this area.”
“Jaki is also incredibly thoughtful,” shares DVSN Director of Client Services Alison Tarmy, “It is not unusual for her to read a book that she thinks we’d enjoy and then buy a copy for the whole team. She did the same thing during Covid when she found a ‘mask clasp’ that was artsy and useful. She’s even bought my daughters the most thoughtful gifts. She also will take the team out for lunch as a special treat (and self-care) since she knows we’ve been working hard.” DVSN Director of Resilience & Empowerment Initiatives Carole Thompson feels similarly, calling Jaki “generous with her time, attention, and care”, adding, “She reaches out to offer support, advice, or her delightful wit to those around her.” “Jaki is the sweetest, smartest, kindest, most generous woman,” effuses DVSN Advocate Kitty, “She’s always willing to help me, no matter the time of day. I couldn’t feel luckier to be working for her. And, she always keeps the snack drawers full!”
Aesthetic Individualism
Jacquelin also has a distinct personal style reflected in how she chooses to decorate her spaces and herself. “She has a great sense of fashion :)” declares Alison. Jan Stewart also comments on this aspect of Jaki’s personality, stating, “Her fashion statements are stunning. She is a gem just like the ones in jewelry, unique and sparkly!” Carole expands, “She has a keen eye for artistic expression in myriad forms, from the bold and colorful sculptures that grace her surroundings to the whimsical ‘wearable art’ pieces she carefully selects each day to reflect her mood. She is a paradox: a self-described introvert, who boldly stands out, a brightly adorned welcoming presence, enticing all who can’t miss her to join her, to engage, to share, to explore.” Jacquelin actually cited being able to display her colorful personal style more as one of the benefits of working at DVSN versus the educational and corporate spheres where a “professional appearance” was more limited. Overall, she feels more freedom and flexibility in her current role to express herself more boldly in her appearance and in her personality. As she says, “I enjoy life, and I think it shows.”
Hope
Hope is something of a buzzword at DVSN. One that is important for many victims, survivors, and those who support them. Able to call upon all three of those viewpoints, Jacquelin knows the value of hope and strives to embody and impart it both personally and through DVSN. “We try to build such an atmosphere and culture of trust, responsiveness, caring, and welcoming for the client and each other, that the client just gets enveloped in it,” explains Jaki, “It’s such a positive way to help them see that hope is possible. Something I didn’t necessarily see when I was a child or a young adult.” Jaki believes that each of DVSN’s many partnerships and collaborations augments the number of people spreading hope, making that message more effective with each new and continuing relationship. “These people who are stuck in this quagmire of horrific pain,” she continues, “Can maybe see that hope is possible because there is this phalanx, this wall, this incredible group of people who are reaching out to help them.”
Trainer and sexual assault counselor Sharon Imperato sees this effort, revealing, “I know the relationships Jaki has built, relationships she has cultivated, are done all in the service of survivors. People talk about a ripple effect. Jaki isn’t just part of it, she’s the center of it. Every minute of every day, every day of the year, she is creating change and holding space for survivors. Always.” Other community members see this, too. “Jaki represents resilience and hope,” says Deborah Garfield. Ali Malkin describes a “positive force surrounding her”, adding, “Spending time with Jaki is rejuvenating and offers hope for change.” Two retired police chiefs weigh in on Jacquelin’s influence through DVSN. “Under her guidance,” says Robert Bongiorno, “DVSN has not only grown in reach and effectiveness but has also become a beacon of hope and support for those in need.” “Jaki’s leadership,” comments Kevin Kennedy, “has made DVSN more than a resource; it has made it a place of hope, safety, and support for people during some of their most difficult moments.”
The DVSN Model
The numerous points mentioned in this post come together in illuminating how DVSN has become a model for engaging the community to maximize impact with a relatively small staff and budget. As Christine puts it, “Jaki has built a powerful public presence and a robust network of positive partnerships that consistently elevates and expands DVSN’s services to its clients.” It is this network of partner agencies and volunteer Advocates that allows DVSN to provide the programs and services it does and to reliably refer clients to those who can help them with services beyond DVSN’s purview. Indeed, one of the reasons Jacquelin instigated the organization’s name change to Domestic Violence Services Network, Inc. (DVSN) was to better reflect how collaborative the organization had become.
DVSN Director of Resilience & Empowerment Initiatives Carole Thompson feels that Jacquelin’s vision has “changed the course and shape of our work over the last 20 years.” Per Retired Lincoln Police Chief Kennedy, “Because of Jaki’s vision and tireless work, DVSN has grown into what I believe is a national model program for how civilian advocates and law enforcement can work together with compassion, professionalism, and a shared commitment to victims.” Chief McLean agrees, adding, “In my mind, Jaki should ever be known as the person who turned the DVSN/Advocate process into a truly organic one. She has made it so every step of someone reaching out for service is seamless.” “Under her leadership, the partnership between law enforcement and advocates has become a true success story,” concurs Lt. Dunbar, “Together, we have built a model partnership that sets a new standard for fighting domestic violence and helping victims when they need it most.” Beyond law enforcement partnerships, longtime supporter Pat Nelson feels, “Community collaboration and engagement have made DVSN the model for meeting mission and being a community asset.”
Leaving a Legacy & Looking to the Future
When asked what she hopes the eventual legacy of her time at DVSN will be, true to the vision and practicality duality mentioned above, Jacquelin cited “the fervor and appreciation for collaboration and partnerships” and more secure funding. Funding was also what she named as the greatest challenge of her time as ED. Despite this, DVSN Board Past President Christine Francis feels Jaki is making progress toward her goal of creating a steadier and more dependable funding base for DVSN. “Jacquelin’s strengths include writing successful grants, fostering strong donor relations, and attracting key partners,” explains Christine, “She is financially savvy, fiscally responsible, and demonstrates excellent budget management. She successfully uses her expertise to secure and grow funds.” Fellow board member and community partner Deborah Garfield concurs that, “Jaki has built a strong foundation to keep the organization on track.” She sees the impact of Jacquelin’s skills continuing to be beneficial beyond her tenure, adding, “She has put her own stamp on the organization, but systems are being put in place to carry it forward.”
As for Jacquelin’s other legacy goal, many DVSN community members already feel that building partnerships and collaboration will be the tentpole accomplishment of Jaki’s directorship that will continue beyond her. As one puts it, “Her legacy will be the success of her integration of civilian volunteers, community colleagues, and police partners into an effective organization for supporting anyone living with domestic abuse.” Board member Marilyn Peterson agrees, explaining, “Jacquelin has taken DVSN, a relatively unknown nonprofit doing an innovative program in supporting victims of domestic abuse, and increased the number of participating communities, provided additional services to victims, increased the budget with state and federal grants, and has become a go-to person for information on domestic abuse.” Similarly, Deborah Garfield remarks, “She’s built DVSN into the powerhouse it is today, increasing the number of police departments, expanding existing programs, and creating new ways to have services for all who are touched by domestic violence.”
This sentiment is echoed by police partners. According to Lexington Police Lieutenant and DVSN trainer Colleen Dunbar, “DVSN’s growth and community impact are a direct result of Executive Director Jaki Apsler’s vision.” Retired Chief Bongiorno feels that, “Her compassion, integrity, and tireless commitment have made a lasting difference in our communities and in the lives of everyone fortunate enough to work alongside her. Celebrating twenty years of her leadership is a testament to the incredible legacy she has built at DVSN.” “On behalf of the Concord Police Department,” says Chief Mulcahy, “I extend my sincere congratulations and gratitude for the outstanding partnership we have shared for many years. Jacquelin’s friendly, collaborative approach, professionalism, and compassion have made a lasting difference in the lives of countless victims and in the work of law enforcement. Her legacy will be measured not only by the program she helped build but by the countless individuals and families whose lives she has touched who are safer because of her. Congratulations on this remarkable 20-year milestone, Jaki, and thank you for your partnership and extraordinary leadership!”
Takeaways from Jaki’s Story
Jacquelin’s personal and professional experiences have contributed to her approach as DVSN Executive Director. Her particular knowledge, abilities, personality, and attitude helped her to not only see the value in both community relationships and different ways of doing things but also to put those into practice to improve DVSN’s foundations and implement new programs, services, partnerships, and systems to grow it into the unique domestic violence nonprofit it is today. While Jaki would say that it takes a certain kind of person to be successful in a role like hers and in establishing a template like DVSN’s, she also feels that there are universal lessons to be drawn from her individual story (in fact, that hope is why she consented to this profile). According to Board Member Jersouk Touy, there are. “Above all else,” she concludes, “Jacquelin’s story shows us that leadership is more of an attitude and practice rather than a title and a job. Life experience, personal growth, and service to others shape it. That lesson will continue to shape how I lead as I move forward in public and nonprofit service.” Whatever skills and experiences one has, there are opportunities to use them to help others in large and small ways. How Jaki utilizes hers at DVSN serves as one example that has had a tremendous impact at the community level and can inspire others to make their own impact in whatever way their unique makeup enables them.
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