April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Sexual assault is a particularly violating and traumatizing form of abuse. While sexual assault can take many forms, the term has come to be almost synonymous in some contexts with rape. While the common cultural image of rape is a violent attack by a stranger, in fact, the vast majority of rapes are committed by an intimate parter or acquaintance (NSVRC). Marital rape is an especially complicated issue with a disturbing societal and legal history. This post will explore past and present perspectives and laws on marital rape, as well as risk factors and effects on victims.
What Is Marital Rape?
Marital rape, also known as spousal rape, is any nonconsensual sexual activity with one’s spouse. The perpetrator may use physical force or violence, threats, guilt, financial control, or other coercion. They may also create or take advantage of a situation where their spouse is unable to consent (such as being asleep, intoxicated, or drugged) or lie, deceive, or withhold information their partner needs to consent (such as stealthing and other forms of reproductive coercion). Rape is rape regardless of the relationship between the perpetrator and victim and regardless of the gender of either.
Marital Rape Statistics
Data on marital rape often includes or overlaps with intimate partner rape. Even if a couple is not legally married, many aspects of a long-term, cohabitating intimate partner relationship are the same or similar enough to a marriage in this context to be considered in marital rape studies. Similarly, separated or divorced couples are also often included. Laws, on the other hand, have a stronger delineation between intimate partners and legal spouses.
Marital rape accounts for approximately 25% of all rapes. The most common rapists are current and ex-partners, with around half of both female victims (45.4% to 51.1%) and male victims (44.8% to 54.5%) reporting being raped or made to penetrate by an intimate partner (who may or may not be their legal spouse). One study concluded that rape in marriage was the most common yet most neglected area of sexual violence. In the United States, about 14% of married women experience marital rape, and 77% of those assaults go unreported (Themis). Rape in general is a widely underreported crime, and marital rape is the most underreported form of sexual assault, so numbers are likely higher than empirical data suggest.
Though marital rape occurs across a range of ages, races, social classes, and geographical locations, research indicates that almost two-thirds of victims experienced marital rape for the first time before the age of 25. While people of any gender can be victims or rapists, the majority of victims are women and perpetrators men. Women raped by their partners are more likely to experience unwanted oral and anal intercourse than those raped by acquaintances. 18% of female victims of marital rape say their children witnessed the crime. A national study found that 34% of women indicated that they had unwanted sex with their partner, most frequently as a result of “marital obligation” or “duty” (43%). Other notable reasons for submitting to unwanted sex included their partner begging and pleading with them (26%) and their partner saying things to bully them (9%).
Historical Perspectives & Laws
For much of history, marital rape was considered impossible. From ancient times, civilizations around the world have had concepts of “conjugal rights”, that a husband is entitled to sex with his wife. Women were considered their husbands’ property, everything they had and their very legal identity was conveyed to their husbands upon marriage, including their autonomy and bodily agency. Cultural and religious norms emphasized this idea, perpetuating and ingraining the notion that “consent” (such as it is in this context) is automatic within marriage and that spouses (historically wives) cannot refuse sexual advances from their partners. (IJHRLR)
In the US, this idea can be traced back to 17th century English Chief Justice, Sir Matthew Hale, who wrote about “irrevocable consent” given by wives to their husbands upon marriage. “But the husband cannot be guilty of a rape committed by himself upon his lawful wife,” he wrote, “for by their mutual matrimonial consent and contract the wife hath given up herself in this kind unto her husband which she cannot retract.” This text formed the basis of sexual assault laws in the US, the traditional definition of rape most commonly being “sexual intercourse by a man with a female not his wife without her consent”. For centuries, rape laws in all states had such “marital exemptions”. Raping one’s spouse was perfectly lawful nationwide until 1976 when Nebraska became the first state to legally recognize marital rape. Throughout the 1970s and 80s, women’s rights activism, court rulings, and martial rape research led to spousal exemptions being removed from sexual assault laws state by state. It wasn’t until 1993 when North Carolina became the last to amend its laws, finally making marital rape illegal in all 50 states under at least one section of the sexual offense codes.
Current US Laws & Perspectives
Despite being generally illegal nationwide, some states have specific distinctions, burdens of proof (usually tougher and requiring physical force/weapons to have been used), different language (usually making conviction more difficult), or different punishments (usually lighter) relating to marital rape versus all other rape offenses. In some states, martial sexual assault is an entirely separate crime from sexual assault. (Marriage) For example, in South Carolina, the maximum sentence for criminal sexual conduct (which cannot apply to spouses) is 30 years, while spousal sexual battery (the same crime committed by a spouse) is 10 years. Additionally, prosecutors may only pursue a spousal sexual battery charge if the crime was reported to law enforcement within 30 days, providing a very small window for traumatized victims to decide to take legal action and to have the opportunity to do so. In Virginia, the court may defer prosecution and waive fines and prison time if the defendant-spouse successfully completes a court-approved counseling program. While this deferment must be approved by the victim, it is easy for abusers to intimidate, threaten, or manipulate victims into agreeing under duress to ostensibly forgo penalty. (Lawyer) In California, there is no mandatory prison sentence for rape of one’s spouse (Marriage).
A surprising number of states (in fact, the vast majority) still have legal loopholes in marital rape laws relating to age, supervisory relationships, and capacity. In 30 states, one cannot be convicted of statutory rape of a minor if the parties are married. Meaning, for example, if an adult marries a 15-year-old, they cannot be convicted of raping them due to their age, versus if they were not married, they could be convicted of statutory rape regardless of whether the encounter was mutually desired or not. In 25 states, sexual contact between people in a supervisory relationship (such as therapists and patients or teachers and students) is legal if the parties are married, whereas it is illegal if they are not. For instance, a teacher could legally rape their student if they were married to them. In 17 states, a spouse cannot be convicted of raping their partner while they are unconscious, drugged, or otherwise incapacitated (such as through mental illness, disability, or simply being asleep). (Jones) Consent is legally assumed because they are married. All an abuser has to do to legally rape their spouse in those states is knock them out, drug them, get them drunk, or assault them while they are sleeping. Altogether, that’s 42 states where one or more of these disturbing loopholes continue to provide avenues for some abusers to rape their spouses without breaking the law.
What may arguably be more difficult to change than the legal double standards and loopholes that help perpetuate them is the millennia of societal, cultural, and religious teaching and beliefs that consent is automatic within marriage and that sexual activity with one’s spouse is obligatory. These long-held and reinforced beliefs persist in many cultures today and have normalized and trivialized marital rape to a huge extent. High-profile people continue to help perpetuate these marital rape myths, such as in 2015, when Donald Trump’s then-fixer Michael Cohen told reporters, “By the very definition, you can’t rape your spouse.” A 1996 study of college students found that marital rape was considered less serious that other rape offenses and that only half of male students thought it was even possible to rape one’s spouse. A different study of college students found that even when they reported believing that husbands could rape their wives, they were still unlikely to believe that the sexual act violated the wife’s legal rights or that she was harmed psychologically by it because consent had been given in previous sexual encounters. This is a common perception even today, often making marital rape laws effectively ineffective.
There is also a societal problem of language versus action. When asked if they have ever been raped by their spouse, many victims deny it. However, if asked whether their spouse had ever “forced them to do things sexually they are uncomfortable with”, “pressured them to have intercourse”, “had sex with them while they were asleep”, “forced them to have sex against their will” or similar descriptions of rape, they agree that that had occurred. (VAWNet) On the other side of the coin, a study of male university students found that three times as many admitted they would “force a woman to have sexual intercourse” than admitted they would “rape” a woman. It is the same question expressed differently. Negative connotations and reactions to the word “rape” seemingly do not match the act itself. Another way to read this inconsistency is that people have been taught that rape is wrong, but not all that constitutes rape, particularly marital rape.
Perceptions of marital rape have been slow to change for abusers, victims, and the general public. Many people still feel that sex is something that is supposed to happen with one’s spouse and demand and/or submit to it without really thinking about why or whether they really want to. In one study, over 1/3 of women report having “unwanted sex” with their spouses due to “marital obligation”, and another found that 61% of women define “forced sex” as their “wifely duty”. When even the victims do not define their experience as rape, it goes widely unreported, and many do not get the support they need and continue to endure unwanted sex throughout their lives. Research indicates that those who do seek assistance from professionals such as police officers, health care providers, religious advisors, advocates, and counselors often do not get adequate support from them. While this is not a universal issue, one study found that clergy members were the least helpful to marital rape victims, as they frequently emphasized beliefs that wives must “obey their husbands” and that it is a sin to refuse sex with their spouse.
Abusers can use these beliefs as tools to gain power and control over their spouse and dominance in the relationship. “Rape is about dominance and power over someone,” explains sex & trauma therapist Charna Cassell, “While seemingly sexual in nature, it’s not about sex, even inside a relationship or a marriage. Rather, it’s about a partner believing they have the right to sex.” One study found that some men preferred raping their wives to having consensual sex because it made them feel more dominant. Another study found that roughly 1/3 of male university students would force a woman to have sex in a “consequence-free situation” (though most would not call it rape), indicating that it is only the threat of consequences that keeps them from committing the crime, not any moral compunction. From other questions in the survey the researchers discerned that those who would actively admit to ‘named’ rape (not just a description of it) tended to be openly hostile towards women and hold “callous sexual attitudes”.
Global Laws & Perspectives
Around the world, legislation and attitudes surrounding marital rape vary widely from region to region and country to country, largely influenced by factors such as cultural norms, religious beliefs, the role of women in society, and the legal landscape of human rights and gender equality. Most North American, European, and British Commonwealth countries recognize marital rape as a crime. Some Asian countries, such as Thailand and the Philippines, have criminalized marital rape, while others, such as China and India, do not recognize it. Rape is a crime in India, but the legal definition excludes rape of men, transgender individuals, and married women by their husbands. Marital rape has become a hotbed issue in India in the last decade, with women pushing for more freedom and equality and to criminalize marital rape. A 2023 research article indicates that sexual assaults and marital rape cases in India have risen as a result, with many men feeling threatened by this movement and “punishing women” for it.
Latin American and African nations are also mixed on marital rape laws and perceptions. There is increasing recognition in Latin America, with countries like Brazil and Colombia criminalizing marital rape. South Africa also prosecutes marital rape. However, according to the same 2023 article, there is a large racial discrepancy, with an emphasis on justice for white women while ignoring assaults on black women. Additionally, it asserts that there is a belief among some South Africans that low self-esteem and poor mental health are due to lack of sex, so young men may seek to increase their “happiness” through sex whether or not their wives want it. Many north African and Middle Eastern countries do not criminalize marital rape, often influenced by conservative interpretations of familial roles in Islamic law. (Law for Citizens)
Risk Factors
While there is no one profile of spousal rapists, there are some common factors that increase the risk of marital rape. Perpetrators of marital rape are frequently men who are overly jealous and domineering with a sense of entitlement and/or strong attachments to male peers who legitimize violence against women. “Adversarial heterosexual beliefs” (such as “a woman should not contradict her man in public”) and “stereotypical gender beliefs” (such as “most women like to be pushed around”) are also predictors of marital rape (Gender). Those who are significantly younger than their spouse and whose spouse is the sole decision-maker on sex are more likely to experience marital rape. Victims in physically abusive relationships and those who are pregnant, ill, or recently discharged from the hospital are at greater risk of marital rape due to heightened vulnerability. Those attempting to leave or who have recently left an abusive spouse are also at greater risk as their abusers try to reassert control. (Hotline, VAWNet) Marital rape is significantly more common among those who use alcohol or psychoactive drugs or have a history of previous sexual victimization, including childhood sexual abuse (GMJ). Perpetrators also have a significantly higher rate of “childhood trauma and adverse events”, such as witnessing abuse of family members or having family members incarcerated for violent crimes. Child abuse and childhood domestic violence may influence and normalize the perceptions and behaviors of both victims and perpetrators relating to marital rape. (DomesticShelters)
Effects
Marital rape can be even more traumatizing than non-marital rape, since the perpetrator is a spouse, someone who is supposed to love and care for the victim, with whom they share their daily lives, to whom they have made vows of commitment before a religious and/or legal authority. Being intimately violated by such a loved one can be extremely confusing, hurtful, traumatizing, and shatter one’s sense of safety. If one cannot trust their spouse, who can they trust? This betrayal trauma can destroy fundamental beliefs about themselves, their safety, and love, sex, and relationships in general. Many survivors report feeling as though their entire understanding of their marriage was built on a lie. (DFCS)
Interviews with survivors of marital rape indicate that they often perceive their experiences and needs as different than women who have been physically abused or raped by someone other than their partner (VAWNet) Unfortunately, they are less likely to get help or support from friends, family, crisis centers, and the police than those who are survivors of other forms of rape and more likely to have to deal with ongoing contact with their abuser, feelings of love for their abuser, and further sexual assaults, as well as social stigma, victim blaming, and reduced access to resources and services. These sorts of dismissive or harmful responses have been linked to increased PTSD symptoms and a reduced likelihood that they will seek additional sources of help, further isolating them and prolonging the effects of their trauma. Women who are raped by their partners are also more likely to be murdered by them (Pandora, DomesticShelters).
According to Rachel Stanton, who works with survivors of sexual trauma as founder and director of Counseling in Boston, LLC, some victims who experience chronic marital rape can become almost brainwashed into believing that they cause the assaults. “We can have a stance that’s very black and white,” explains Stanton, “if someone assaults you, they are therefore a bad person. If there’s someone you consider to be a good person whom you love, you either have to change your opinion of that person or that wasn’t assault. It’s a lot easier to come to believe bad things about yourself than the other person. These beliefs can become engrained….you begin to question, am I even perceiving myself correctly?” Research from both college and community-based samples found that the more well-known the perpetrator is to the victim, the less likely the victim is to label their experience as rape, particularly when the perpetrator is a dating or marital partner. Researchers theorized that this is a coping mechanism to deal with the cognitive dissonance of their beliefs about their spouse not matching the actions of their spouse. While seemingly a protective impulse in the short term, this can impair the victim’s ability to accurately assess the risks of their situation, improve their safety, and address the impacts of marital rape, ultimately increasing their trauma.
The trauma of marital rape can lead to such physical and mental health problems as headaches, insomnia, digestive issues, panic attacks, hypervigilance, depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), intrusive thoughts and rumination, self-harm and suicidal ideation, disordered eating, negative self-image, intimacy issues, and sexual disfunction. Women who are raped by intimate partners are more likely to experience severe and long-lasting psychological consequences and to be diagnosed with depression and anxiety than victims of physical violence or non-marital rape. Injuries to the vaginal and anal areas, lacerations, soreness, bruising, torn muscles, fatigue, and vomiting are also common. Specific gynecological consequences of marital rape include vaginal stretching, anal tearing, pelvic pain & inflammation, urinary tract infections, unwanted pregnancy, miscarriages, stillbirths, bladder infections, infertility, and STDs including HIV/AIDS. (Psych, Hotline, VAWNet, DFCS)
Victims who decide to pursue legal action against their spouse have to contend not only with the personal effects on themselves, but the effects on their lives and those of their loved ones. They have to consider that they may need to disclose very personal things to strangers, contend with the difficulty of proving marital rape and the fact that some members of law enforcement, judges, and jurors, and possibly some of their own family and friends, will doubt or believe it impossible that someone could rape their own spouse. (Lawyer) Social stigma, disbelief, and blame can not only prevent victims from doing anything to improve their safety, but it can also compound their trauma, causing feelings of shame, guilt, and embarrassment. These effects can impact the victim’s children, family, and friends as well. Additionally, having a spouse arrested or getting a divorce can lead to other life issues such as financial troubles, community isolation, loss of child custody, and revenge victimization of themselves or loved ones. (Gender)
The prevalence and treatment of marital rape has significance both on an individual level as a personal, traumatic violation and on a societal level as an indicator of gender equality, social justice, and human rights. Education and survivor-centered, trauma-informed care from health professionals, law enforcement, the judicial system, advocates, and therapists has been shown to be more effective in victims’ healing journeys than a non-trauma-informed approach. Broad cultural changes are necessary to reduce the prevalence of marital rape by shifting attitudes surrounding its acceptance as well as reducing stigma that prevents victims from seeking assistance and/or justice and improving the support and redress that is available to them.
Resources
RAINN – the US’s largest anti-sexual violence organization and operator of the National Sexual Assault Hotline available 24/7 by phone, chat, or text: call 800-656-HOPE, text HOPE to 64673, or live chat online
Pandora’s Project – dedicated to providing information, support, and resources to survivors of rape and sexual abuse and their friends and family through online support groups, message board, chat room, and blogs
National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC) – research & tools for survivors, friends & family, advocates, and the general public to work toward ending sexual harassment, assault, and abuse
Boston Area Rape Crisis Center (BARCC) – free, confidential services to empower and heal all survivors of sexual violence ages 12 and older, and their loved ones, 24/7 Hotline 800-841-8371 or chat online 9am – 11pm
Center for Hope & Healing – free and confidential support to survivors of sexual violence and their loved ones, including individual counseling, medical and legal advocacy, healing circles, and more, 24/7 Hotline 800-542-5212 and online chat
MA Rape Crisis Centers – location and contact information for Rape Crisis Centers across Massachusetts by region
Mass.gov Sexual Assault Prevention & Survivor Services – searchable list of Massachusetts rape crisis service providers and their contact information
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