From child abuse to elder abuse, people of any age can experience domestic violence. When it comes to abuse by a romantic partner, one particularly vulnerable demographic is teenagers. People often have their first relationship around this stage of life, while they are still developing and learning. With this inexperience, they may not realize what is “normal” or “healthy” in a relationship and all to easily become victims of teen dating abuse. February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (TDVAM), a great time to delve into the prevalence, red flags, and impacts of experiencing dating abuse as a teen, as well as exploring strategies to prevent it and resources for support and education.
Defining Teen Dating Violence/Abuse
Domestic violence is often defined as a pattern of behaviors that one individual uses to exert power and control over another. It can occur in any domestic relationship, such as dating partners, spouses, family, or roommates. Intimate partner violence (IPV) narrows this definition to domestic violence by a current or former dating or sexual partner. Teen dating violence is a widely used term to describe IPV experienced by teenagers. It is specific to abuse between current or former dating partners involved in a relationship that is romantic, sexual, or both. Teen dating violence is somewhat of a misnomer in that while teenage victims often experience physical violence from their dating partners, this term also covers many other forms of abuse such as verbal, emotional, psychological, sexual, technological, financial, and spiritual abuse, as well as stalking. Additionally, while ages 13-19 are the literal “teen” years, when people talk about teen dating violence, they often expand the age range to include preteens and young adults up to age 25, and occasionally shorten it to those under 18, the age of legal adulthood in the US.
Statistics
While statistics (and the exact ages they apply to) vary, teen dating abuse is all too common. Approximately 1 in 3 teens in the US experience some form of dating abuse (Hotline, Respect, Futures, CHP). While teens of any gender can be victims or perpetrators of abuse, females ages 16 to 24 are three times as likely as any other demographic to be abused by a dating or intimate partner (TDV). A 2010 survey found that 69.5% of women reported fist experiencing IPV before age 24 (22% before age 17) and 53% of men reported first experiencing IPV before age 24 (15% before age 17). 1 in 12 high school students experience physical and/or sexual abuse in a dating relationship, and for intimate relationships, that frequency rises to 1 in 10 males and 1 in 5 females. Roughly 1 in 3 teens experience cyber dating abuse and 1 in 4 perpetrate it. About half of teens report being stalked or harassed by a dating partner. Teen dating abuse is even more prevalent in LGBTQIA+ relationships than heterosexual relationships, with transgender youth experiencing the highest rates. 88.9% of trans youth report experiencing physical dating violence, 61.1% experience sexual coercion, 58.8% psychological dating abuse, and 56.3% cyber dating abuse. Only 33% of teen victims tell anyone about the abuse (CHPCVP).
Media, Social Media, Family & Peer Influence
Teenagers and young adults embarking on their first romantic and sexual relationships are still learning and have little personal experience. They take their cues as to what is “normal” or “healthy” or “desirable” in a relationship from examples they encounter in their lives, be they their parents, other family members, friends, celebrities, entertainment media, or social media, and seek to mimic these examples (TDV). Violence and abuse are all too common in media and pop culture these days and are often trivialized, normalized, or even romanticized, causing some teens to think that’s just how relationships are or even seek out the perceived “passion” of obsessive control and abuse. Check out DVSN’s February 2021 blog post, “The Romanticizing of Domestic Violence in Literature” for an in-depth explanation of this idea with many examples. If family, friends, or peers are in abusive, controlling relationships, this personalization and proximity can amplify the unhealthy impressions teens get from media and social media. Even if teens realize some behaviors they see are abusive, they can still negatively affect their perceptions. A 2020 Australian study found that even though most teenagers recognize that social media relationship portrayals may be curated and unrealistic, they still influence their relationship views and contribute to shaping their idea of relationship norms. While media and social media can promote unrealistic and/or abusive relationships, they can also be used as teaching tools, examples to discuss with teens so they can better understand healthy and unhealthy relationships and their own dating experiences.
Signs of Potential Teen Dating Abuse
While these are by no means definitive and may be related to something else, there are signs that may indicate that a teen could be experiencing dating abuse. Changes in sleep patterns, appetite, mood, academic performance, lack of interest in activities they used to enjoy, irritability, and isolation from family and friends are among the symptoms of depression and anxiety, which may stem from an abusive relationship. If a teen often apologizes for their partner’s behavior, makes excuses for their partner, and/or jokes about their partner’s violent behavior, these may be signs the partner is abusive. If a teen’s dating partner calls them names or puts them down in front of other people, it normalizes potentially worse verbal abuse in private. Extreme jealousy, constant calling/texting, and demanding to always know where their partner is and with whom are indicators of coercive control. Telling their partner that a parent/friend/loved one doesn’t like them or doesn’t understand their relationship could be an attempt to separate a teen from their support system and increase dependency on an abuser. If teens have frequent, unexplained (or poorly explained) injuries and/or their partner violently loses their temper, physical abuse may be an issue in the relationship. (Cycle)
Impacts
There are many immediate and long-lasting effects of teen dating abuse. These can be physical, emotional, and/or social and impact multiple areas of their lives. Teen victims are at higher risk for depression, anxiety, aggression, substance abuse, self-harm and suicide attempts, eating disorders, and sexually transmitted infections. Victims of teen dating abuse also report higher rates of school absences, antisocial behavior, and interpersonal conflict with peers. These can translate into further effects such as poor school performance, pregnancy, and further and more severe victimization. (CHP) In fact, 1 in 3 homicides in girls aged 11-18 are committed by an intimate partner. (Futures) Teen dating abuse can also have short and long-term economic and lifestyle consequences. A national youth survey found that 88% of teens with a history of dating violence experienced educational interference due to abuse, 86% experienced job interference, and 83% experienced financial control. Experiencing dating abuse as a teen increases the likelihood of being in another abusive relationship later in life. For example, 35% of women who were raped as minors were also raped as adults, compared to 10% of women raped as an adult who were not raped as minors (NSVRC). These increased risks for victims of teen dating abuse can have compounding affects for marginalized individuals who already experience negative consequences and increased risk factors from things like racism and transphobia. (Futures)
Talking to Teens About Dating Abuse
If a teen confides in a parent, caregiver, friend, or other person in their life that they are experiencing abuse, it can be difficult for that person to know what to say and do to help and support them. Teens may be reluctant to tell anyone about the abuse for fear of embarrassment, blame, overreaction, anger, misunderstanding, etc. Listening and believing can go a long way toward alleviating these potential pitfalls. Accepting and validating what the teen is saying without accusation or skepticism and showing concern for them may make them feel more comfortable talking about a difficult situation. Choosing words carefully and avoiding ultimatums empowers teens to make the best decisions to improve their safety. Learning about teen dating abuse can help those with a teen in their life be prepared to provide information and resources to help the teen identify options and decide on the best path for them.
Prevention
There are things that can be done on individual, community, and societal levels to help prevent teen dating abuse. Many resources on teen dating abuse emphasize the importance of early education and intervention. Teaching children from a young age about healthy relationships and modeling healthy relationships can help them identify and steer clear of partners exhibiting abusive behaviors. Youth who establish positive relationship building skills as preteens and teens can mitigate certain risk factors for teen dating abuse victimization and perpetration (CHPCVP). Sharing and discussing examples from their own lives or from well-known stories can help illustrate positive and negative relationship dynamics (Cycle). Extending this teaching and modeling of things like consent, boundaries, and respect to all areas of life can reinforce their importance (NSVRC). Parental figures can help by staying engaged with their teens’ lives without being intrusive. 81% of parents admit that they are unaware that dating violence is a problem among teens (CHPCVP). Educating themselves about this issue helps parents and caregivers be prepared to spot the signs of potential abuse before they escalate and provide the support teen victims may need.
Addressing teen dating abuse in schools is also an important arena for prevention. Education of students and staff, policies for dealing with abuse, and cultivating a healthy school environment can help mitigate teen dating abuse and train educators how to identify and best deal with such a prevalent problem among their students. The CDC found that integrating prevention strategies in junior high and high school curricula and Public School Code are effective at deterring attitudes and behaviors that lead to IPV. School-based programs can change norms, improve problem-solving, and address multiple risk factors that may lead to teen dating violence. (CHPCVP) In the broader community, promoting programs, education, awareness, and societal norms that encourage healthy relationships and protect against abuse can lessen the impact of teen dating abuse and help prevent it (NSVRC). Increasing culturally specific services, strengthening family economic supports, and creating more protective environments in schools, workplaces, and neighborhoods can help mitigate compounding risk factors and ensure everyone has access to information and services that can increase their safety (Futures).
Resources
National Parent & Youth Helpline – 24/7 support & guidance for parents, caregivers, children, or youth. Call, text, or live chat 855-427-2736.
Love Is Respect – lots of information designed for teens about dating, healthy relationships, personal safety, and supporting others. Chat on their website, call 866-331-9474, or text “LOVEIS” to 22522 for help.
Mass.gov RESPECTfully – information, tips, & resources for teens, parents, & advocates, including quizzes and videos.
Healthy Relationship Toolkit (HeaRT) – CDC-developed model to prevent violence in adolescence that teaches 11 to 14-year-olds healthy relationship skills to prevent violence before it starts. Includes trainings, implementation guidance, program materials, and many other resources.
Serving Teen Survivors: A Manual for Advocates – overview on the unique issues young sexual violence survivors face. Includes tip sheets on working with teens, information on confidentiality, mandated reporting laws, and more.
Human Options TDVAM Toolkit – info on teen dating abuse, tips for talking to parents and teens, and safety planning worksheets, plus activities including craft projects, discussion scenarios, relationship quizzes, and self-care suggestions.
Recognizing & Responding to Teen Dating Violence in a Clinical Setting – this video webinar is designed for medical professionals but includes good information for anyone.
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